i never thought i was ugly but i never thought i was beautiful...

'Hezekiah stops on a clearing without trees and looks up into the night. "What makes the sky beautiful?" he says. I look up, then over at him, wondering where the question came from, and what the right answer is. "Is it the stars?" He asks. "The moon? Is it the clear blue of daytime? Or maybe blue with puffy white clouds? Sunrise? Sunset? All of these things make the sky beautiful, don't they? Variety-from sky blue to dusky oranges and reds to the black of night. But i think it's more than that." He drops my hand and spreads his arms upward. "It's beautiful because the God of heaven made it. He is beautiful'

The quote above is from Kim Cash Tate's book Heavenly places which i have enjoyed reading immensely! As i say every time i read her books- she always challenges me. Heavenly places taught me a whole lot. I remember when i was growing up i didn't fit in anywhere. I remember being told that when i was young i was ugly, though they now use the word ugly in the past tense  cant help but feel insecure about the way i look. Everyone, well almost everyone pointed out what was different about me, that i'm tall for a girl, my fingers are long, my face is long, my toes are long, my nose s big, i have a lisp-i talk funny etc but nobody ever told me that all those features are also beautiful. I cant lie and say i think i'm ugly because that would be a lie but i just find it hard to believe when someone tells me i'm beautiful and just like Treva in the book i just cant receive it. The other day i was sat with a guy and we were talking about something and he told me that i'm beautiful and my instant response was "Really?" and he assured me,lol, the 'really wasn't meant to be out loud, it was honestly meant to stay in my head. Every time someone calls me beautiful my mind races back to when someone once saw a guy i was dating(who was very handsome) and the words she said to me were 'Chi people like you arent supposed to date guys like that, its people like me that should' i responded lightly, what could  say to a girl who had said to my face i didn't look like i could date a handsome guy,lol, its funny now that i think about it, how people will make others feel inferior so that they may feel superior. In all my grown up life only two people dared to call me 'not beautiful' and sometimes that drowns every other voice that has ever told me i'm beautiful. I've never thought i was ugly but i've never thought i was beautiful either, i just thought i was... nothing to look at really, nothing special about me.... except there's everything special about me. See just as Hezekiah says in the above quote what makes the sky beautiful is not only the blue sky, the gorgeous puffy clouds and all that, so much more makes it beautiful. Not only one thing that makes me beautiful, nope! It's my long face, my big nose, my ears, lisp that makes me talk funny, my skin colour and shade, not only my lovely kinky hair or just my body shape but its a combination of all these features but above all of this its the fact that God made me, there's nothing wrong with the way i look. God has always tells me that only the one one who made me can tell me when any part of me too big or too small so in conclusion, i was never ugly and  never will be, my face isn't too long, my nails and fingers arent too long, neither are my toes, my hips aint too big. I love the way i look and i cant imagine myself looking any different and this is God's honest truth. I used to be insecure about my insecurities and this is the first time i'm sharing this in public, i know there's many people out there who are insecure about their looks for all sorts of reasons  but you are beautiful and i know it sounds cliche but trust me, God made you the way you are on purpose
i waved 'bye bye' to insecurities-i'm free!
Be careful what words you speak to others because you never know what you may plant n someone's life, forgive those that trespass against you, and always remember you are fearfully and wonderfully made-you are not flawed in your make-up. Don't believe what they say, believe what God says.

i encourage all ya'll to get all of Kim Cash Tate's books, i learn so much every time and i'm currently waiting for her next one ;)

love ya'll gorgeous people